Long the most contentious part of Top Gear, the Cool Wall has created endless controversy (and the occasional fight) among the three presenters, particularly because the wall only represents Clarkson’s deeply idiosyncratic and frequently inconsistent personal opinions. Well everyone, his tyrannical rule of the Cool Wall is now over, and in the finest democratic traditions, the power to place cars on the Cool Wall has been made available to all. Not only that, but you can save your own personal Cool Wall and share it with your friends so they can shout at you about just how wrong you are, just like on the show. In the interest of getting this new flame war warmed up as soon as possible, here’s a link to my own personal Cool Wall. Please try to keep the hate mail to a minimum.
The BMW M3 is one of the most ideal cars on the market. Attractive, practical, and quick as hell, it allows those of us of the speed freak persuasion who work in an office to own a car that allows us to feed our desires for quick driving and still own a car that the your boss thinks is management material.
Of course, there’s nothing remotely corporate about the M3s in this week’s video, aside from the sponsor ads plastered on the side. This M3 was driven by Patrick Snijers in FIA Group A on the Manx International rally event on the Isle of Mann, and as mentioned in the video, is absolutely flying through the Manx countryside. Enjoy the beautiful vistas and the sound of a 2.4L F1-derived BMW straight-four screaming as Snyers rockets over the rough and narrow backcountry roads.
(Edit: Corrected Patrick Snijers’ name, thanks ICEFARMER!)
Ladies and gentlement, I present to you the opening chase scene from Warrior of the Lost World, a fetid piece of cinematic tripe starring that guy from “The Paper Chase”, a TV show that I’m sure at least three of you remember. The Paper Chase guy is riding his futuristic motorcycle through the surprisingly green post-apocalyptic landscape of what appears to be Mendocino County. The motorcycle is supposed to be cool because it talks and has lots of colored lights and buttons on it, but in reality it’s more like what would happen if you crossed KITT with Wesley Crusher. People in motorcycle helmets with the symbol for units of electrical resistance painted on them chase him, things blow up, and then, after being shot a few times, the Paper Chase guy is healed by North African dictator and a old white guy in a bedsheet with a flashlight taped to his arm.
For your protection, this is actually a clip from “Mystery Science Theater 3000″. In case you’ve forgotten your 1990’s TV history, Mystery Science Theater 3000, or MST3k, was a long-lived TV show about a man trapped in space by mad scientists and two wise-cracking robots who are forced to watch paint-peelingly bad movies. As a defense mechanism, they mock the films as they watch them, making some of the most unwatchable films of all time actually entertaining. It’s probably one of the best TV shows of all time, and if you feel like you can handle the pain, Donald Pleasence shows up later in the film as the bad guy.
Ah, GM. How your antics amuse us so. First, Bob Lutz, head of GM North America and VP of Product Design, sends all the Chevy/Pontiac fans into a tailspin by announcing that the General’s plans for RWD platforms had been put on hold due to government emissions standards, and then Wagoner went over him and reassured us that the Zeta platform that the upcoming Pontiac G8 and Chevrolet Camaro will be based on is still on schedule. Now, Lutz went and opened his big mouth again to Automotive News, citing the success that Porsche has had with expanding their brand into SUVs and the potential success that the Panamera sedan might have and venturing that a similar trick could be performed with the Corvette brand. Rick Kranz, product editor at Automotive News, goes even further: “But since the Panamera sedan is bound to be a home run — ditto for the four-door Rapide — there must be a market for a Corvette sedan… Memo to Bob, Ed (Welburn) and Tom (Wallace): Build it!”
Here’s a memo from me to Lutz, Welburn (GM Design Chief), and Wallace (Corvette Chief Engineer): If you haven’t noticed from the collective retching sound that the Internet automotive enthusiast websites made when that lovely bit of news came out, people aren’t exactly thrilled about the idea of a four-door ‘Vette. Also, GM doesn’t exactly have a stellar record of making great sports sedans. There’s the Cadillac CTS-V, and then there’s…that’s about it, actually. I can’t see the Corvette True Believers buying into a rebadged Pontiac G8, either.
What Mr. Lutz and Mr. Kranz forgot was that the Panamera and the Rapide are being pitched as separate cars than what they’re based on. The Panamera may be a fresh design from top to bottom, but the Rapide is basically a stretched DB9. Both cars aren’t being presented as a four-door 911 or a four-door DB9, however. They’re both pitched to be new cars, whereas with a four-door Corvette, you’d be trying to sell people on the fact that it’s a four-door version of the Corvette, when one of the main things that makes the brand special is that it’s undiluted, even by progress in some areas. Long nose, V8 up front, rear wheel drive, fiberglass body, two seats and two doors. That’s what a Corvette is, just like how a rum and coke consists of two things: rum and coke. If you start adding things to the mix, you might end up with something worse, and you might get something better, but it sure as hell won’t be a Corvette. Instead, focus on making the G8 and the Camaro capable of stomping not only the Mustang but whatever the Germans and Japanese can throw at it (and trust me, therewon’tbe anyshortageofcompetition when they come out).
Being from the Southern California area and an unabashed fan of Long Beach as a city, it’s no surprise I’m a huge promoter of the Long Beach Grand Prix. It’s a beautiful track, right on the harbor, more than deserving of the “Monaco Grand Prix of the US” nickname. I attended the ALMS race at this year’s Long Beach GP, and it was one hell of a great race. Here’s in-car footage from the GT2 class qualifying lap from the inside of the #44 Flying Lizard Porsche GT3 RSR, driven by Patrick Long. Enjoy, and soupy twist.
Those of you who read this site on a regular basis (Hi mom!) may know that I have a slight crush on the BMW 1-series coupe. I think it’s a much welcomed return to the legendary 2002 and E30 3-series of yore, when they were little larger than the drivers that piloted them but still crammed with some of the best performance tech available, making them some of the fastest cars of their era. Every night, I write a secret love letter to BMW’s M Division, pleading with them to build a M version of the 1-series coupe. Then I drink a bottle of Merlot, tear the letter up, and cry myself to sleep.
Car Magazine claims to have seen a internal BMW document regarding the engineering and performance of a 1-series coupe with the 3.2L straight six from the outgoing M3 under the hood. According to them, the document purported to have the theoretical “M1″ going from 0-62 MPH in 5.2 seconds and hitting 175 MPH when derestricted. Certainly worthy specs for a M car, and the renders they mocked up look good too, combining aspects of the new M3 with what we’ve seen of the 1-series coupe so far.
As a quick aside, I think that when BMW finally does announce the M-touched 1-series, they should leave the M1 name alone. The original M1, a mid-engined 1970’s supercar with the straight six that would go on to a starring role in the M635 CSi and the original M5, was and is so different from the other members of the supercar club that putting its name on anything than another mid-engined supercar would dilute the image of the legendary car. Instead, I propose that henceforth in perpetuity, we refer to the potential M Division 1-series how they referred to the first M street cars, by adding “M” in front of the numbers, making Car Magazine’s version the M132. Anyone discovered referring to the M Division 1-series in any other fashion will be caught and shot on sight. Got it?
It’s coming down to the wire for the college-bound among us, and in honor of that sad fact, here’s a special gift to get you through these dark and trying times: Tiff Needell powersliding various powerful sports cars around track corners at high speed. May God have mercy on us all.
For those of you not familiar with the vagaries of the UK’s efforts to stop their citizens from killing themselves through the burning of fossil fuels, there’s a congestion charge program in effect in some cities, including London. If you want to drive in certain areas of London between prescribed hours, you need to pony up £8 to the government. It’s supposed to encourage people to use public transportation more and lessen traffic problems, but mostly what you hear in praise of it is that it’s saving the lives of Arctic baby seals and earning lot of money for the city, so it’s not that hard to deduce what the real motivation behind it is. (Oh, and if you live in New York City, they’re after your wallets too.) There’s a few exceptions to these rules, including buses, taxis, emergency vehicles, and alternative fuel vehicles like hybrids and electric cars.
One of the more popular electric cars being used in the streets of London is the G-Wiz, a small two-seater car imported from India. It’s been getting some good buzz as of late, and has been held up as proof that electric cars work well in urban settings. Top Gear’s never been a big fan of electric cars, and they’ve taken it upon themselves see just how safe these proposed urban runabouts really are. Following EuroNCAP crash test standards, they simulated a head-on impact with another car at a combined speed of 60 MPH, and the results were disappointing to say the least. According to TRL, the agency that performed the test, “the passenger compartment sustained significant intrusion with the driver’s side A-pillar deforming rearwards by approximately 397mm at the waist beam level. At the sill level the A-pillar deformed rearwards by approximately 299mm. Intrusion of this magnitude has the potential to cause serious or life-threatening injuries to the vehicle occupants as structures such as the steering column and pedals intrude into the compartment,” all things that sound very bad. The car gets away with this poor showing by not actually being classified as a car. Technically, due to its slow speed and light weight, it’s a quadricycle under UK law. Still, two cars closing on each other at around 30 MPH each doesn’t sound like an unreasonable occurrence, even in the city, so to have it fare so poorly in the crash test offsets the extra eight pounds a day I’d save, in my opinion. Hit the link below for a photo gallery and high-speed camera footage of the test.
Ah, the good old days of Formula 1. When the drivers had personalities, the teams didn’t require the GNP of several Third World nations to compete, and Murray Walker was still commentating for the BBC. We may not be able to turn to the past to fix the problems of only having two competitive teams in an F1 season, but we sure as hell can listen to the soothing sounds of V8s screaming their way down Shoreline Drive in Long Beach and Mr. Walker somehow managing to talk about three different things at once, and still have it all make sense. In that spirit, enjoy this in-car footage of Patrick Depailler’s hot practice lap around the 1979 United States Grand Prix West circuit at Long Beach, narrated by the one and only Murray Walker.
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