That’s what Fox News calls it. And while we could debate the validity of any mainstream news outlet’s claim to objectivity interminably, it’s the sentiment that I’m interested in. For the longest time we’ve been told that the media’s obligation is to remain impartial and objective – to report the news as it happens and let us do the rest. That seems legit, right? After all, the underlying motives won’t change the fact that something took place. Are they newsworthy in their own right? Of course, but those motives should be the subject of news, not the gift-wrap in which it is delivered.

Now that’s all well and good if you’re talking about news. In the world of automotive journalism, however, we don’t really deal in hard news. Sure, there are times when all we deal in is hard news. Take the auto shows, for example — nothing but product announcements and unveilings. That’s news. Something happens and the press scrambles to be the first to scoop it. It’s in those brief moments that the motoring press acts most like its big brother, the media at large. The catch? We spend the other 45 weeks of the year being something entirely different.

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Many thanks to everybody who took the time this week to read our Imaginary Internet Millionaire Comparison Test. Your readership, comments, cross-posts to your home forums, blog links, intensely personal criticism, and thinly veiled e-mail threats to beat us to death have all combined to bring us hundreds of thousands of hits in the past five days. As many of you know, Speed:Sport:Life is an all-volunteer effort; we do this just for the love of the cars and the industry, and we’re honored to have you along for the ride.

So what’s next? We have an exciting month planned for all of you, featuring more of the sharp photography, unfiltered opinion, and socially irresponsible hoon-driving for which we are known. Some highlights include:

• A full report from our first-ever actual ARCA race. We’ll put you behind the wheel of our highly tuned Ford Tempo racer - well, it’s not so much “highly tuned” as it is “brightly colored” - and show you what it’s like to bang fenders on a Saturday night in a small town. Also, there will be footage of Figure Eight Schoolbus Racing, which is exactly what it sounds like.
• Driving impressions of the 2008/2009 Chrysler lineup. We’ll have a report on the new Aspen Hybrid for you to show your family and/or significant other, autocross runs in the SRT family of vehicles including the, ahem, VIPER ACR WHICH IS THE BEST CAR EVER TO BE A CAR OF ANY TYPE IN MY UNBIASED OPINION, and some hilarious off-road action featuring a Wrangler Unlimited and Grand Cherokee. Also, we put a Sprinter RV up on three wheels during our patented extreme handling test. Seriously.
• New installments of the old favorites: Speed:Sport:Life Radio, Avoidable Contact, and a fresh column from our newest contributor, Lord Byron.
• Ride and drive reports on the C63 AMG, Explorer Sport Trac, Yukon Hybrid, Caliber SRT-4 (on the road this time), Audi A6 3.2, Expedition King Ranch EL, Porsche Cayman 2.7, and anything else we can get our hands on in the near future. How’s that AMG drive? Let’s see…
  
  

• Event coverage of “BigOhio”, including a close-up look at a very special MkV Rabbit.
• Last but not least, we will be facing down the mighty racing juggernaut “Team Pakistan Express” in a no-holds-or-punts-barred double race weekend at Mid-Ohio Sports Car Course. Follow along as we explore the thrill of victory in club racing - although if history is any guide here, it’s more likely to be the agony of defeat.

See you soon!

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Story by Jack Baruth - In-car video by Jack Baruth and Carl Modesette - Photography by Zerin Dube and Matt Chow

Admit it: you’ve told the Internet a fib or two in the past few years. It’s okay, really; there’s nobody around but you and me. The past decade has seen the ol’ triple-W take center stage in the automotive enthusiast community, and whether you’re a fan of a all-purpose auto site like the one run by our friends at Jalopnik, a perennial bargain-hunter logging hundreds of hours on the Edmunds car-purchase forums, or even one of those miserable mouth-breathers over at Rennlist trying like hell to turn a perfectly decent and lovely ’85 Porsche 944 into a dub-wheeled, nitrous-fed, maintenance-deferred scrapheap, chances are that you’re spending a nontrivial amount of time out there on the IntarWeb’s car spots. Chances are, too, that at some point you’ve maybe stretched the truth a bit when arguing a point with some clueless noob who desperately deserves a hammer to the forehead, right? Maybe you’ve temporarily forgotten that “your” Porsche 997 GT3 actually belongs to your wife’s uncle, or perhaps you’ve retold a rather boring HPDE 1 session somewhere as a daring battle at the very limits of adhesion, slip angle, and late braking. Don’t sweat it. We’ve all done it. Even your humble author once told a USENET group many years ago that he found the E46 M3 “really, really boring.” Well, I did find it boring, primarily because my test drive was limited to a thirty-five-mile-per-hour tour of the dealership’s parking lot. It’s just that I may have let that rather relevant fact slip my mind in my eagerness to prove a point to whatever sorry doofus I was totally e-dominating at the time. When I finally got around to driving the car harder, I actually rather liked it, but do you really think that I was going to go back and admit it? Oh, hell no. I had my imaginary electronic reputation to protect!

Those imaginary electronic reputations, or IERs for short, can lead people to tell some pretty crazy lies, with one of the most common being the “Sure, I Drive A ’93 Corolla, But I Could Totally Pay Cash For Any Car I Wanted” story. Totally believable, right? The next time you’re on the road and you see some hapless sucker clutching the shaking steering wheel of some tired old Stanza XE, why not at least briefly consider the possibility that he’s an Internet millionaire, just like all the guys over at FerrariChat, and that he just drives that crapwagon because he’s heavily invested in short-term complex financial derivatives? He’s just waiting for the right moment to stroke that check for a brand-new Gallardo Superleggera, and then he’ll be the one laughing at you! On the World Wide Web, we’re all rich, we all pay cash, and we can all drive anything we want.

Imagine, for a moment, that the above scenario was really true, and not just the fevered imagination of a bitter loser who still iives with his parents. Imagine that you really could buy anything you wanted, and that because of your awesome cash-holding and mega-investing powers, you weren’t totally convinced that you needed to spend all the money you had available to you. In other words, imagine that you’re completely unlike everybody in the real world. What would you buy? Would you do the obvious Internet zillionaire thing and buy a Ferrari? Maybe you’re a so-called purist and you’d prefer the simplicity of a Lotus Elise. It could be that you want to strut down the boulevard in the baddest Mustang to ever escape the factory – or you might be more interested in an affordable yet high-power commuter like the weapons-grade Dodge Caliber SRT-4. Who knows? You’re rich and crazy! It’s a ridiculous scenario – one completely unrelated to the real world – but here at S:S:L, we’re not big fans of the real world, so we’ve created a track test just for you, Mr. Imaginary Internet Baller. We’ve got a Ferrari F430 Spyder, a Lotus Elise, a Shelby GT500, and a Caliber SRT-4. We’re going to run ‘em head to head around MSR Houston’s road course, gather full data from our Traqmate timing system, and show you on-track video complete with a Best Motoring-style view of the driver’s pedal box. Last but not least, because this is Speed:Sport:Life and not some timid advertising-supported blog, we’re going to declare a clear winner. You may find it harder to believe that a nineteen-year-old’s claim to be street-racing his own brand-new Murcielago, but there really is one car that stands out from the pack here, and I can’t wait to tell you about it.

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After last week’s self-indulgent excesses of power, we take a look at the clean and efficient future of the cars that the real world will force us all to drive most of the time. Just to remind you that we’re still all about the loud noises and massive piles of horsepower, we kick off the podcast this week with the performance and price figures for the Corvette ZR1, but then it’s on to the impending sales letdown of the Chrysler Aspen and Dodge Durango hybrid SUVs, and two new diesels coming to the market soon from VW and Nissan. We talk about the tragic death of Scott Kalitta and what it might mean for the NHRA in the future, and two upcoming GPS units for the lonely nerds out there in this week’s Useless Automotive Tchotchke. Share and Enjoy™.

 

 SSL Radio 6/25/08 [12:26m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

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Story by Jack Baruth, video courtesy of Audi NA

It sounds more than a bit crazy, but we can’t help but wonder: do the powers that be at Audi ever contemplate the idea of sending a thank-you card to the producers of 60 Minutes? Consider the following: History tells us that the show’s deliberately misleading “news” story, which blamed the Audi 5000 for causing several “unintended acceleration” deaths, slaughtered Audi’s position in the marketplace, cutting sales from a then-high 1985 figure of 74,061 to a dismal annual average of 14,000 cars in the five years following. The four-ringed brand, which had been riding high on a wave of yuppie affection for the aero-styled 5000 sedan, became a minor player almost overnight. It would take nearly a decade before the brand was more or less reborn in America with the smash-success first-generation A4 2.8 sedan. The arrival of the affordable, tuner-friendly 1.8T variant a year later put Audi at the top of young drivers’ shopping lists. It was the perfect car for anyone who wanted a solid German sedan but who found the image problems associated with Mercedes-Benz or BMW ownership a bit too heavy to handle, and it offered a generation of VW drivers a perfect next step up the prestige ladder.

The A4 single-handedly revitalized Audi’s fortunes in the United States, to the point where the company was able to move a record-setting 93,506 vehicles last year, but it did more than that; combined with the aforementioned media hatchet job, it had the effect of changing Audi into a youth-oriented brand. The average Audi 5000 owner in the Eighties was somewhere north of forty years old, so even if 60 Minutes hadn’t scared those customers away, most of them would be well into Social Security by now – a demographic more suited to Buick and Lexus than to the company that brought us the RS4 and the R8. By contrast, the twentysomething A4 intenders from 1997 are now entering their prime earning years. They’re still interested in the sporting, progressively hip demeanor of the original A4, but they also want a faster, smoother, more spacious sedan to reflect their current (and expected future) success. At the same time, they’re not quite ready for the sleek, subtle, rather middle-aged A6. What would suit them best? An A4 just like the original, but more so: bigger, quicker, more luxurious, and equipped in no-excuses fashion with all the latest comforts and conveniences.

In a nutshell, that’s what Audi has delivered. The 2009 A4 is simply more of everything, whether we’re talking about rear seat room, horsepower, or iPod integration. It casts a shadow nearly the size of the original Audi 5000 and offers more than twice its power. The new interior has already received rave reviews in the A5 coupe, while the styling conveys grace, dignity, and the unique restraint which has characterized Audi for the last four decades. Still, none of this is particularly shocking. So-called “small” German sedans have been steadily growing larger for quite some time now. The latest Mercedes-Benz C-class and BMW 3 Series are quite sizable cars, and even if the A4 is now longer than either of them – which it is, by nearly half a foot – the simple, almost expected, fact that Audi’s “small sedan” is bigger than it used to be doesn’t do much to raise anyone’s eyebrows.

The shocker, if you will, comes from the claim that the 2009 A4 is no heavier than the car it replaces, while being significantly more interesting to drive thanks to a revamped drivetrain and a rather fascinating new electronic system which offers individual control of steering response, throttle programming, and suspension settings. It seems hard to believe - but if Audi’s not fibbing, it would make for a rather fascinating turn of events in the entry-level luxury market. For more than a decade, every new entrant into the segment has been a little sleepier and porkier than its predecessor. Does Audi have the antidote?

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It’s a celebration of all things powerful, shouty and dangerous in this week’s episode of SSL Radio! We’ve got the pricing on the Dodge Challenger, a whole bunch of top-shelf performance news from Ford and GM, including the ludicrous performance figures for the new Cadillac CTS-V, the contract renegotiations between GM and the Canadian Auto Workers union break down, we take a look at the results for the 24 Hours of Le Mans, and a ridiculously expensive licensed motorcycle in this week’s Useless Automotive Tchotchke. Share and Enjoy™.

 

 SSL Radio 6/19/08 [13:15m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

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Story by Byron Hurd

For the last two years I have introduced myself in many a letter with some variation of the phrase “aspiring young journalist.” Loosely translated, it means “I’m fresh out of school, I worked at my college paper, and I’d really, really like a job well above my level of qualification. But I can write, I promise!”

To make matters worse, if you really want to join the ranks of the elite automotive journalists, you need a few things going for you, and most of them are championship trophies and Pulitzer prizes. I don’t have any of those (unless you count the plasti-trophy I got for finishing an entire year of little league). Fortunately, all it takes to be a blogger is internet access, a hosting site, and an ego big enough to inspire the confidence that other people give a damn what you think. Check, check and check!
When Jack asked me to write an intro column, I dutifully scraped together 1,400 words about how awesome I am and threw them his way. It seemed an odd request at the time, but after looking over my submission, Jack asked me to hold off on the intro piece and instead write on a more focused topic. I did, and you guys ended up with 1,500 words about how awesome the RX-8 is instead (A significant improvement, some might say). But take my word for it; I am pretty awesome.

So as not to make the transition into my role any more awkward, I’m going to stick to the focused topics and let my experiences trickle through them. Hopefully, over the next few weeks, you will all get to know me and come to appreciate the perspective I bring to S:S:L. This week, I want to chat about a subject that has been harped on many, many times by enthusiasts and the press alike, and yet still remains quite near and dear to my heart: Volkswagen.

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Story and photograph by Jack Baruth

They call it “Trauma Bonding”, and although the exact definition is highly debatable, it’s generally understood to mean a situation in which victims come to identify or sympathize with their victimizers. It occurs in cults, domestic violence situations, and even hijacked airliners, but most importantly for the purpose of today’s discussion, it’s running rampant in the automotive enthusiast community. The most recent manifestation of the illness appears to be a fondness for outrageous fuel prices; it’s characterized by statements like, “I can’t wait until five-dollar gasoline forces us all to drive small, economical cars,” or “The best thing for everybody would be if we were taxed into using (insert naive reference to diesel, soybeans, unicorn sweat, or whatever other smelly, sticky, low-power, improbably available fuel tickles one’s fancy). Then all the SUVs will be gone from the road and we’ll all drive the cars we need, instead of the cars we want.”

It’s not enough for these pump-price Pollyannas that miserable suckboxes like the Prius are available for them to purchase; they’d prefer that you be forced to purchase them as well. They’ve taken the American Dream - the idea that everyone should be free to achieve as much as their ability permits - and perverted it into a socialist fantasy where everyone will be issued the car they need. Who will determine the need of the American motorist? Well, you can bet that our quasi-Communist “betters” won’t let the American motorist actually make his or her own choice, because they might choose something outrageous, like a Mercedes CLK63 Black Series - perhaps even a Ford Expedition Funkmaster Flex Edition! Instead, we will be limited to “sensible” choices along the lines of the aforementioned suppository-shaped Toyopet or, if we’re lucky, one of those rocketship Nissan Versas, preferably in a nice shade of beige to discourage unnecessary feelings of aggression or enjoyment.

Decades ago, Kurt Vonnegut anticipated these pathetic people and their hateful outlook on life with his story “Harrison Bergeron”. It’s worth a read, because Vonnegut makes a pretty decent argument that enforced equality at the level of the lowest common denominator is not something to which we should aspire. Still, I can see the merits of the mandatory-one-point-two-liter-crapbox argument. If we really are facing an era of unprecedented resource scarcity - and there is considerable evidence to that effect - then perhaps we’ll need to burn the automotive village in order to save it, so to speak. Better to have some cars than none at all. No, I’m not quite ready to condemn the “responsible usage” people to the absolute lowest level of Car Guy Hell, although I will continue to apply random throttle on the freeway to frustrate the ambitions of any would-be hypermilers in my vicinity. No, I think I’ll save the worst of my venom for the most evil so-called enthusiasts in existence, the scum of the motoring earth, the Trauma-Bonders par excellence, the basest filth imaginable. That’s right, I’m referring to those sick bastards who complain about the prices in the Porsche option catalog.

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Well, it’s the end of an era. After 17 years of being king of the hill when it comes to US vehicle sales, the Ford F150 has been defeated, and not just by one car, but four, and all three US manufacturers suffered huge sales losses in the month of May. How will Ford and the rest of the Big Three respond to the massive pimp-slap they were just handed? Find out in this week’s episode of SSL Radio! Other features include more bad decisions from Pontiac, Ford and Tata Motors finalize the Jaguar/Land Rover sale, more news on the sex lives of dirty old men, and two very different items in this week’s Useless Automotive Tchotchke. Share and Enjoy™.

 

 SSL Radio 6/11/08 [14:30m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

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Story by Byron Hurd, photograph by Jack Baruth

We’re welcoming “Lord” Byron Hurd to Speed:Sport:Life as a new itinerant columnist. Please feel free to apply the usual hazing! - Jack

A little over a week ago, Mazda quietly began circulating a memo to dealer service departments and RX-8 owners outlining a further extension of the powertrain warranty for their 2004-2008 model year Renesis rotary engine. This 8-year, 100,000 mile warranty covers only the mechanicals within the engine itself (Rotary Engine Core, Rotary Housing and Internal Parts, and Internal Seals and Gaskets, in Mazda’s own words), but when you consider the simplicity of the RX-8’s drivetrain, you realize that it’s pretty much a catch-all for the only systemic trouble spot that hasn’t already been covered by previous recalls.

With its arrival coinciding with the wide release of the refreshed 2009 RX-8, this notice has sparked a good, old-fashioned free-for-all on automotive discussion boards. Is the RX-8 a lemon? Is this just a marketing/PR move, or is Mazda just trying to cover up their mistakes and wipe the slate clean? I no can has torks?

A compelling, introspective query, indeed.

But it’s hard to refute that this newly-augmented warranty makes the ’04-’08 a very, very tasty prospect for the enthusiast looking for a diamond in the used car rough. Depreciation never hit the RX-8 particularly hard, and shoppers leery of the prospect of out-of-warranty issues with an engine with such a “colorful” reliability history have likely been looking to Nissan or Honda for their late model sports car thrills. It’s hard to find fault with that logic, especially when you consider the reputation the rotary engine has made for itself over the last thirty years. Non-enthusiasts know only what they’ve heard from the mainstream press; run away as fast as you can.

But if you’re reading this, chances are you’re an enthusiast. You can’t hide behind such excuses. By carrying around that “car guy” card, you’ve committed yourself to being above the masses. You’re informed – enlightened even – and you’re going to read on and see why this new warranty extension may be the best thing to land you on the couch for a month since you came home from Vegas with a Bunny Ranch receipt sticking out of your suitcase.

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