Obviously, here at Speed:Sport:Life we love our cars. Welcome to a new segment where I will be beating the shit out of borrowed cars doing some car reviews. Of course, we can’t do things like everyone else so I’ve broken the review categories into things I think are interesting with a little Speed, a lot of Sport, and some Life thrown in. I’ll let the guys at Car & Driver complain about the materials used to make a domestic car’s interior –most of the racecars I drive don’t even have interiors so I don’t really have an opinion about the matter.
Our first contestant is the 2010 Ford Fusion Hybrid, yes, I said hybrid. And below are the Racer Boy Review Catagories.
What kind of girl will this car help me meet?
Because this car is a hybrid, obviously you’re looking at a hippie chick. That’s correct, look forward to vegetarian meals, live Grateful Dead concerts from 1983 on her Ipod, and some leg hair. But here is the good news, since this Ford Fusion doesn’t look like a hybrid and definitely doesn’t drive like one, you’re looking a slightly less extreme hippie girl. Maybe just the right type of “hippie” actually. I’m thinking of a girl who shaves her arm pits, eats the occasional sausage but has a real passion for recycling. The only tip off that this car is a hybrid at all is the hybrid badge with the requisite green leaf on the front doors.
What kind of burnout can I do with this car?
Remember electric motors are instant power on. This Hybrid will actually allow the front tires to make some noise. But, that’s about all this car will give you, however I found the acceleration perfect for everyday driving. You’re definitely not going to take this thing to a drift event, which is a good thing because your hippie girlfriend wouldn’t approve of all of the wasted resources as those tires are instantly destroyed.
Can I fit a body in the trunk of this car?
Definitely. A better question is how many bodies can I get in the trunk of this car? The trunk of this thing is like a space-time continuum. You could probably fit an entire midget go-kart racing team in this sucker.
Will this car get the attention of Johnny Law?
Not a chance. This car is practically stealth. Especially the car with the gray paint scheme I whipped on test drove. It is also silent to drive. Half the time I didn’t realize the thing was even running. Remember the black Trans-Am Kitt? Kitt had a whisper mode, and in electronic mode the Fusion is exactly the same.
Since we brought up Kitt (sorry) I have to mention that Kitt actually had less buttons on his dashboard than the Fusion.
Can I back up while talking on my cell phone and eating a cheeseburger?
Of all the cars I have ever driven this car was by far the easiest to back up while talking on my cell phone and eating a cheeseburger. The Ford Fusion has the Sync system, which meant my phone was in-tune with the car and I could answer it on the steering wheel. The Fusion came with the coolest back up camera I have seen and the display magically appeared within the rearview mirror so I didn’t even have to turn my head. Since the Fusion was making calls and looking backward for me, that left all of my faculties to concentrate on my juicy cheeseburger. Yes, I know the hippie chick wouldn’t approve, meat is murder, yada-yada-yada.
Is there enough room in the backseat to get a little something-something?
Oh yeah. Fire up the Death Cab for Cutie, or whatever Emo band she wants to listen to as you make your way to the backseat. There is plenty of room back there for some Karma Sutra action and, the best part is that the 2010 Ford Fusion has some great leather seats -easy to clean off.
A really cool feature on the Fusion is the mood lighting that comes from the center console. I found that if you put two clear water bottles in the cup holders they turn into blue lights. Your hippie girlfriend will think it’s a set of black lights. You’re in!
How many clams is this bad boy going to set me back?
$28,675 for the base model Fusion Hybrid, which gives you a lot of car and unsurpassed gas mileage (where you will save the big bucks in the future). You’re going to need that gas money savings as you will end up driving your hippie girlfriend hundreds of miles to yet another Ultimate Frisbee tournament.
Is there a motorsports event where this car could be competitive?
The Fusion probably wouldn’t bode well on the autocross course, but that isn’t what it was made for. However, its incredible interior and great gas mileage make it the perfect road rallye machine.
There is plenty of room in the interior for the navigator to work and has enough suspension travel to do well on mountain roads. I say run it!
Randomness and Extras
The thing I found the most fascinating about the Ford Fusion Hybrid was the “environmental” display on the dashboard. There was a digital tree that would change based on my driving pattern. If I drove around like a good boy, the tree would flourish with more branches and leaves. If I stuffed my right foot down repeatedly, the tree would begin to dissipate. This entertained me endlessly as I would go to make a pass on the freeway, grab a bunch of throttle and announce to the family, “We’re killin’ trees!”
I really did like this car. It was comfortable, had some great features and was easy on my wallet at the gas pump. Playboy magazine named the 2010 Ford Fusion Hybrid as the best hybrid of 2010. What is Playboy you ask? It was a magazine with half naked chicks in it that your dad used to get in the mail before the Internet came along and now he gets his porn for free.
If you’re interested in information other than if you can back up while talking on your cell phone and eating a cheeseburger or what kind of burnout the car will do, you can get those nerdy sort of stats at Ford’s Fusion page.
The 2010 Ford Fusion Hybrid has been officially Racer Boy thrashed on road tested.
I just want to also make a note that in my testing around Houston last Fall, the Fusion Hybrid earned the honor of being the second best hybrid I've tested MPG wise, just behind the Toyota Prius. Unlike the Prius though, you don't have to drive the Fusion Hybrid much differently than you would a normal car. The Prius requires learning a completely new driving style.
<img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4013/4557180673_a1a7639a9e.jpg" width="500" height="375" alt="Ford Fusion Hybrid" />
Plus you won't look like a pretentious jackoff drivng this either. Regular Fusions are wonderful cars, I can't wait to test a hybrid one!
What I can't understand is why they (automotive companies) insist on putting such ugly wheels on their hybrid models. This car in particular – these wheels would be better suited on Grandma's LTD, not a high-tech fuel-sippin' economy midsize. The base Fusion wheels would look great on this car, and continue to add to the "normal car" look the Fusion Hybrid does so well at keeping.
I've ridden 4-up in both a Prius and a Fusion. The experiance from the back seat was without measure superior in the Ford. Makes sense, considering the Fusion is significantly larger than the Yota.
The wheels on the Fusion Hybrid are designed to reduce aero drag and improve the fuel economy. It's a compromise between styling and efficiency.
This is certainly an interesting way to evaluate cars…
The only problem I have… hybrids are not really going to attract hippie chicks. Especially a brand new one. You are thinking of clapped out W123 Mercedes that have been converted to run biodiesel if you are into chicks with more leg hair than you… If I had to guess, Fusion hybrids is probably a MILF slaying machine in Northeast and West Coast regions. Slap an AYSO sticker on the back and you are all set.
Great review man! I love the setup and the humor!
I think the hybrid system on the Fusion and Milan are better than those in Lexus and Toyota. I was really impressed with it.
Believe it or not, the "ugly wheels" on hybrids serve an actual purpose. They have less aerodynamic drag than "normal wheels" and thus help fuel economy.
Fusions make good road rally cars. I've navigated in one several times and was always comfortable.
best review evar.
Probably because I like pictars and was a key study figure involved in the production of the movie, Idiocracy.
Love the art.
Thanks for the review. entertaining along the same line as the truth about cars before it went downhill.
But please, remove the border around the icons.
.post img {
border : 0px;
}
thx
You had my heart once you said you don't give a shit about interior materials. Thanks K-dog!
Loved the humor in the reiew! I wish they would make an actual race read hybrid for less than $30K. I guess we just have to make our own for now.