You’ve read about it in all the car magazines and you’ve been to the 24 Hours of LeMons website a hundred times, obsessively pouring over the rules.  It’s the endurance road racing series for $500 cars.  You’ve commented on numerous forums that “someday, if you can get a team together, you want to do LeMons.”  You even went as far as e-mailing the Chief Perpetrator of LeMons, Jay Lamm, and bothered him with some stupid question regarding the current market price of your Mom’s 2001 Camry (he told you to read the rules again, the car isn’t worth $500).  Stop blowing bench racing smoke up everybody’s ass.  Find a piece of crap car (that runs unlike a piece of crap), make four new friends (one with money, one who can weld, one who can fix motors and one who has a car trailer) and get yourself to the biggest thing happening in the world of motorsports.  The 24 Hours of LeMons is absolutely the coolest thing you will ever do in an automobile (excluding, of course, things that happen in the backseats of automobiles).   

Continue reading Racer Boy: 24 Hours of LeMons or Endurace Racing for the Financially and Mentally Challenged

Historical fiction by Jonny Lieberman, camera obscura images by Nick “Deuce-Deuce” Pon

Howdy! Judge Lieberman here. Well friends, the latest installment of Racing for Dummies came and went in blur of dumped oil, moonshine, poisonous snakes, righteous BBQ and mostly moonshine. Some of y’all might have followed my colleague and fellow LeMons Supreme Court Justice Murilee Martin’s excellent coverage of the race. Or you maybe followed all the action live — including yours truly getting interviewed and providing play by play commentary — on Speed TV these two-guys’ homegrown website. Or maybe you just read a book to your children. But you definitely noticed that there was no Speed:Sport:Life coverage. My wonderful Windows Fista laptop decided that it didn’t like being online in South Cackalacky. So it is only now, two-days after the festivities ended, that I am able to sit down and organize my $500 crapcan racing thoughts. Join me?

Continue reading 24 Hours of LeMons: South Spring Wrap Up

Hiyo! Judge Lieberman here. Our last 24 Hours of LeMons interview was so much fun that we’re giving you another. This time with real LeMons racers. That’s right, time for you to bow before the Cheese Eating Surrender Monkeys and their red hot Peugeot 505. Why real? Because they’re running a French car in Goin’ For Broken (the Reno Race) while you’re playing fancy pants “real” racer wannabe in your cheatin’ E30 Beemer Miata. Tis true. Some of you may be familiar with the what happened to the Surrender Monkeys when they tried to just show up for at Arse-Freeze-Apalooza. For those too lazy to click links, they hit black ice and flipped their rig over, trashing both the trailer and the tow vehicle. But the bullet proof “Pujo” survived with nothing but nicks and scratches. Behold the power of French Steel and striking Algerian labor. Nothing says “real” LeMons car like a premptive crash! At any rate, team loudmouth Alan agreed to answer some questions. Another Cheese Eater also answered the questions, but we’re too lazy to look up his name. So let’s just call him Guy, non?

Judge Lieberman: Bonjour mon amis! Comment alles vous? Ce va? Bon! Let’s get down to brass tacks — do you think teams without French cars should even be allowed to race in LeMons?
Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey Alan: Well of course since the French cars need something to beat. But please nothing normal and boring, just like a fancy dress ball teams should strive to show up in something no one else has. After all what’s the fun in being one of the 20 teams with an E30 or a Miata? Find something totally weird like a Tatra or maybe this thing (yes, that’s a real car). 
Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey Other Guy: Of course non-French cars should be allowed. There is such a wide selection of European rolling garbage. Fiat and anything built by British/Leyland come to mind. I would have loved to find an Austin Allegro Equippe as a LeMon. Wouldn’t that have been glorious? They are, unfortunately, kind of hard to find in the States.   

Continue reading 24 Hours of LeMons: Judicial Interview with Cheese Eating Surrender Monkeys

Hola! Judge Lieberman here (grunt).  Some of these LeMons clowns just don’t get the fact that the 24 Hours of LeMons is a joke. No, instead they take themsleves all seriously thinking they’re real racers by building websites, trying to win and printing t-shirts. Though I oughts point out that Team Unintended Acceleration — the guys that put my beautiful face on a shirt — are absolutely brilliant. Anyhow some dude named Tommy or Travis — Beavis? — or Floyd (who cares?) started bugging Justice Dube and me on Facebook of all places. And just to get my lady off my back (“who the hell are you always yacking with on the computer?”) I agreed to interview TAJracing about their horrendous (but no doubt cheatin’) Ford Escort “GT” crap can of a “race” car. They’ll be competeing at the LeMons South Spring event in just two short weeks. 

Judge Lieberman: You guys are from Florida. That has to suck.
TAJracing: Yes, we are from FLA and yes, it does suck. From the almost constant heat to the damn Snowbirds and tourists that can’t drive on our roads. These blue hair fogeys drive slow in the hammer lane and drive 15 MPH under a posted speed limit… ON ANY ROAD! But, we have one good thing here in FLA…..SEBRING!

Continue reading 24 Hours of LeMons: Judicial Interview with TAJracing

It’s often said that the real point of the 24 Hours of LeMons isn’t winning the race, but rather winning the Index of Effluency. This is the prize given to the car that does the most with the least; the team that goes the furthest with the worstest.  This, it’s claimed, is the real je nes sais quoi of LeMons. For any fool and his gang of (foolish) friends can grab a $500 E30 or Miata and with a little luck win the race. Hell, Baruth won a race driving some fancy-pants Toyota Supra, didn’t he? But only a (really foolish) band of brothers would put their faith in an Opel Cadet. An even dumber bunch of guys might field a Merkur XR4Ti. The massively brain damaged will opt for an 80s vintage Saab 9000 Turbo. Then you have the truly masochistic brave that think the key to glory lies between the rusty panels of a 1974 Alfa Romeo Spyder (For the record, all 4 of the cars just mentioned will be losing once precious fluids all over the track at LeMons South). Of course, not everyone agrees that the Index of Effluency is the be all and end all of $500 car racing. In fact, I argue it’s the Dangerous Banned Technology prize. See, you actually win money with the Index of Effluency. Dangerous Banned Technology is utterly pointless. In other words, the true spirit of LeMons. And who are the odds on favorites to win it this May at Goin’ For Broken in Reno? Why it’s the Sharks, of course.

Continue reading 24 Hours of LeMons: Sharks Go For Coveted Banned Technology Prize

Oh damn! Just weeks (though it feels like days) after completing the mega-epic 2009 Houston Gator-O-Rama, the traveling automotive freak show better known as the 24 Hours of LeMons is once again venturing below the Mason-Dixon line. Why so soon? Big $$$ Turns out that the further south you take LeMons, the better it works. As you travel further away from the land of Burning Man and hemp-flavored honey, the cars get less arty and more race oriented. Sure, there’s much argument as to whether or not less art car is a good thing. But there’s no denying that the spiritual home of NASCAR makes for some hella entertaining amateur crap car racing. And the locals definitely appreciate the races. In fact, the last time Team LeMons hit the humble ‘burg of Kershaw, South Carolina around one thousand spectators showed up to cheer on the smoking, short-circuiting heaps of junk. So yes, by the time LeMons hits New Orleans this June, it’ll take place in the Superdome. This here race, taking place over April 4-5 at the Carolina Motorsports Park, will feature more obnoxious teams, worse cars (96 of ‘em this time out), worse drivers, better BBQ and my favorite — more booze! Y’all had better be there, as only a true Judas would not come out and support a team called Heavy Metal that’s going racing in a 1972 Ford LTD. Personally, I’m very much looking forward to meeting Team Fat Bottom Girls. Team Eager Beavers, too. Oh, and every single one of the participating cars is listed out after the jump. So, jump!

[Note: If we spelled something wrong or forgot your team's website, please let us know!]

Continue reading 24 Hours of LeMons: All the Cars of LeMons South Spring!