TAJ Racing Escort Services

Hola! Judge Lieberman here (grunt). Some of these LeMons clowns just don’t get the fact that the 24 Hours of LeMons is a joke. No, instead they take themsleves all seriously thinking they’re real racers by building websites, trying to win and printing t-shirts. Though I oughts point out that Team Unintended Acceleration — the guys that put my beautiful face on a shirt — are absolutely brilliant. Anyhow some dude named Tommy or Travis — Beavis? — or Floyd (who cares?) started bugging Justice Dube and me on Facebook of all places. And just to get my lady off my back (“who the hell are you always yacking with on the computer?”) I agreed to interview TAJracing about their horrendous (but no doubt cheatin’) Ford Escort “GT” crap can of a “race” car. They’ll be competeing at the LeMons South Spring event in just two short weeks.

Judge Lieberman: You guys are from Florida. That has to suck.
TAJracing: Yes, we are from FLA and yes, it does suck. From the almost constant heat to the damn Snowbirds and tourists that can’t drive on our roads. These blue hair fogeys drive slow in the hammer lane and drive 15 MPH under a posted speed limit… ON ANY ROAD! But, we have one good thing here in FLA…..SEBRING!

JL: TAJ racing is a pretty poor name. Why couldn’t you think of anything more creative and/or better?
TAJ: I do have to admit it is pretty poor, but our other option was Floyd Auto Racing Teams….or F.A.R.T.s. We found it slightly difficult to con hard working companies into giving us money and product with a name like F.A.R.T.s. …so we definately had to tone it down a bit. Also, www.farts.com was already taken whereas www.tajracing.com wasn’t!

JL: I saw your car — why does your theme stink so bad? Does this have to do with your lack of a creative name? Or are you just dull and stupid?
TAJ: Ha, well our theme is really TAJ Escort Service, but like I mentioned earlier we found it hard to obtain product and services from multi gazillion dollar companies with a name like TAJ Escort Service (they thought we were a company like https://www.escortdirectory.com/escorts-dusseldorf-196). So, when we are in front of our sponsors we are TAJ Racing, but when we are at the track we are TAJ Escort Service. We still have plenty of field research to conduct on the Escort Service industry before we finish the livery of our Ford Escort GT-420.R MK III.

JL: If you weren’t racing in a pathetic, no chance of winning Escort, what car would be driving?
TAJ: I have always been a fan of the Fiat Panda and the Peel P50. I know both of those would be serious contenders. My next choice would be a Yaris from a rental company. Rental cars make the best Autocrossing cars so the same should be said for LeMons racing, eh?

JL: Very true. How did such a boring group of guys hear about the 24 Hours of LeMons?
TAJ: I stumbled upon the website www.24hoursoflemons.com while looking for a drink recipie for Absolut Lemon. That mistake created an obsession for which there is no known cure. Come to think of it, I never did find that recipie…

JL: Is winning everything? Or is the Index of Effluency everything?
TAJ: Winning is everything since the dumbasses on this team can’t think of anything worthy of winning the I.O.E. award with.

JL: Are you guys better drivers or better drinkers? And don’t lie.
TAJ: You’ll find out in April for yourself, but I believe we are much better drinkers.

JL: You are repeat offenders (LeMons Veterans). If you can share one piece of advice with virgin LeMons teams, what would it be?
TAJ: Bribe the judges any chance you get. If you see them in the paddock or garage, throw a beer their way. If you see them in the tech area, thow a Benji or two their way. If you see them in the bathroom….RUN!

JL: Keep one piece of advice secret from the virgins.
TAJ: OK, but nobody really wants our advice.

JL: If it turns out that God has a messed up sense of humor and your sad, silly car gets the nickels, how will you be spending ’em?
TAJ: Beer from the store and lots of it, Porn from somewhere like https://www.nu-bay.com/categories/168/brunette on the internet, ammo… then more beer.

Hey look — a three stars out of ten youtube clip of the TAJracing Escort driving around a parking lot:

Haven’t had enough? TAJracing.com

About author View all posts

Zerin Dube

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Discover more from Speed:Sport:Life

Subscribe now to keep reading and get access to the full archive.

Continue reading